Who am I?

My DukeEngage experience is a unique case because unlike the other Santiago participants, I consider myself to be a Chilena. I was born and raised in Virginia, but my entire family is Chilean, which has meant that I have been given the opportunity to learn and live by the Chilean culture at home and with my family, but also experience the "American Dream" through living in the states and attending school. If someone asks me where I'm from, I never know how to respond. Although I have always lived in the states, in my heart I have always been Chilean and I only feel true to myself when identifying with my Chilean heritage.

Having this in mind, I was really excited to finally get the opportunity to live and work in Santiago as opposed to just going for a couple of months to visit my family. Now when my family back in the states tells me that I don't know what it's like to actually be Chilean since I've never lived there, I'll be able to defend myself.

My trip to Chile signified something so much more to me than any other DukeEngage program would have: I was going home.

After having been in Santiago for a couple of weeks I have been faced with the reality of my situation - I have no identity. In the states, I am Chilean or simply a Latina. No one would ever consider me to be a "gringa" in the U.S. - all you have to do is take one look at me and you know that I don't belong. In Chile, however, I am the gringa. How is this possible? I had a discussion with my host sister and her friends last night in which we were all arguing about where I was from and what my nationality really was. Because of U.S.-Chile relations, I do have dual citizenship, but my host sister insisted that my nationality was based on my place of birth. Her friend came to my rescue and argued that nationality is in the heart and soul; nationality and identity can't be determined by a piece of paper.

The question of my nationality and my identity is one that I will have to face forever. I could be upset that many of my fellow Chileans consider me to be an outsider, but only I am capable of knowing the culture that has truly shaped me into the person I am today. There are many times in the states that I feel unwanted and feel like an outsider, and although I am sometimes called a gringa here in Chile, I never feel so complete and at home as I do in this country. Who am I? Yo soy Chilena.

~Christine

p.s. Last night it was determined that if I could answer a very important question, then I was truly Chilean. The question: Who is the forward who is going to star in Chile's world cup game on Wednesday who has been suffering from injuries? With a smile on my face, I calmly responded: Chupete. Everyone laughed and the discussion was finally settled. If I had been asked the same question about the U.S. team, I wouldn't have been able to answer. There is only one team for me - Chi - Chi - Chi - Le - Le - Le...VIVA CHILE!